The past 8 weeks in the NICU with our 27 weeker TTTS survivor twins has both been the longest 2 months of my life and also the shortest.
I have been posting on Instagram small updates about the boys and NICU photos, though I only mention about 5% of what has actually happened over the past 8 weeks there. I know I need to write it all out for my benefit, and I will in the future.
Time stands still in the NICU. While you’re there, the day feels so short and goes by so quick.
Feedings every 3 hours, diaper changes, cuddles, outfit changes, morning rounds, doctor conversations, procedures, eating lunch, etc… everything goes by so quick.
Nevermind the fact that you need to plan everything, from asking a nurse if it’s okay to cuddle your baby between a set timeframe to leaving to eat your lunch (our NICU does not allow food in rooms for sanitary reasons).
The overall journey feels long. I feel like, “Am I even a mom?” My house is quiet and empty, my body on its way back to normal (well, sort of… lol) and to the casual observer, they would have no idea I have any children.
Most days are exceptionally tough. From conversations about if we wanted to even continue care for one of our boys (yes, really) to painful procedures, bad news, uncertainty and being told your children will have a major disability… it’s wearing on me.
Learning how to hold a baby, bathe them, things they do and other basic baby care things in the NICU feels cruel at times. The nurses are wonderful and helpful, but you can’t help but feel there are 50 eyes on you at all times for every single interaction with your children. Judgment? Anxiety-inducing stares, wanting to do everything right… it’s a lot of pressure.
But there’s good parts, too.
The weeks are short. Born at 27 weeks, our twins are now 35 weeks gestational age! Absolutely nuts to me to hear that.
I have been meaning to write about our experiences in the NICU and I have random snippets of things to say saved on my phone but have not had the time to type it out properly here yet. I wake up, drive to the NICU, spend 12-14 hours a day there (or sleep overnight), drive home and go to bed… with about 8 pumping sessions mixed in.
So I thought for now, I would just share some NICU photos from our 8 week journey so far. I am so amazed by these boys and their fighting spirits and resilience. They are stronger already than I will ever be. 💙